How I found out

10 Jun

So I told you to prepare yourself for all the fun and interesting stories I have to tell you about my pregnancy journey so far.  So here goes….

It was on June 7th that I found out I was preggers.  The day before I had been complaining about nearly 2 weeks of period cramps.  So I finally decided to take one last HPT (home pregnancy test) the next morning just to be sure.  I figured it would be negative as were the other 6 I already wasted on previous months my period was late.  But as I set the test on the sink and waited the 3 minutes for it to tell me I noticed a line forming that I hadn’t seen before.  It was less than 2 min and I could see the faint line that was about to change me life.

I didn’t actually know how to react. Truthfully I still don’t really know how to.  In one instant I was happy, elated, scared, ecstatic, horrified, uneasy, sad and so many other emotions that don’t have words.  I was happy obviously because Mr.notsoChubby and I have been trying since January.  I was scared though because I wasn’t sure if I could believe it.  I mean was this really true?  Could I beat the odds with my PCOS, all on my own, without any medication, being the heaviest I’ve been in years, and conceive my very own precious baby?

According to the doctors I have.  🙂  Which allows me to be a little more excited as I know I didn’t screw the test up.  hahaha.  But we still haven’t told our friends and family as we’re waiting to hear back how my HcG levels are.  I never thought I would be the type of person to hold anything in.  I hear of women doing that all the time, waiting until the 12 week mark (the all is clear week) to finally tell everyone.  I always saw myself as an overly open person though.  One that wears her heart so far on her sleeve that she has taken her shirt off and sold it on e-bay.  But not with this.  I can’t bear to call the grandparents, make them faint with happiness at the news, to then phone them back to say “sorry actually there is no longer a heart beat or my levels have gone down which means it’s no longer growing”  I just can’t do it.  The pure happiness to utter sorrow.  Nope.  It would be bad enough on us, I just wouldn’t have the strength.

So for now we’re waiting to hear back about my HcG levels and then from there the news will begin to spread.  If it’s gone up (as we hope and pray it will)  then it means all is good and it should be safe to share the news.  If it’s gone down that would mean that BabyhopefullyneverChubby is no longer with us and we’ll have to share that news.  And if it’s the same?  I hear you ask… Well then we’re practically in the same situation as we are now only even MORE scared that somethings wrong and we’ll wait some more.

When I find out the results tomorrow I’ll tell you the full story.  All about how I was violated with condom over an internal ultrasound!  =O

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2 Responses to “How I found out”

  1. Ginger June 11, 2010 at 12:08 am #

    positive thoughts positive thoughts coming your way!!

    i always told people as soon as i knew anything, i am not one for keeping exciting secrets to myself lol

  2. Chinky June 10, 2010 at 11:19 pm #

    LOL…. Oh, the anticipation.

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