Archive | July, 2010

Is it ok to say “I don’t like being pregnant”?

31 Jul

I am about to admit something so taboo that some of you may run from here screaming… I hate being pregnant.  Is that ok to say?  Is it normal to say?  Should I feel guilty for saying this?  Does that make me a bad future-mother?  All these thoughts, amongst others, going rushing through my brain on a daily basis.

All my life I’ve wanted to be pregnant, well not completely true, all my life I wanted to be a mother.  It’s not like this is an unplanned pregnancy we’ve been trying since January.   I never actually thought it would happen.  I just assumed with my PCOS it would take many years, prayers and drugs to get me pregnant.  But here I am!  Belly starting to pop out and everything.  So why am I not happier?

Perhaps the constant feeling of nauseousness for the last 4 weeks or the new-found ease of catching colds so bad that it hurts to swallow and talk.  Maybe it’s the sleepless nights, the heartburn (which I’m told will only get worse, swell!) or the acne that’s as bad a 16 year olds.  Or is it the random leg cramps or excruciating headaches that render me immobile.  Perhaps the feeling of uselessness as I lay sprawled out on the couch while I watch Mr.notsoChubby busy himself about the house fixing and doing the things I can’t.  Even as I type this he’s off to the shops to pick me up some tissues, throat drops (pregnancy approved! It’s not like I can have the NORMAL stuff now that I’m pregnant… nope) and other things to try to make me remotely happy.  Oh and speaking of happy lets not forget the most random moments of the day when I lash out at Mr.nsC and then start crying uncontrollably because of it.

There are women out there (many whom I know) that would wish upon a wish that they could get pregnant.  That would take what I have plus more if it meant they could have their very own little one.  And yet here I am contemplating only have one child because I don’t think I could honestly go through this again.  This coming from the girl who always wanted to have 6 children.

So that’s my confession for the day.  I find I can’t say this out loud to anyone in the real world.  I don’t want to say it to Mr.nsC because he might think I’m a horrible person.  I don’t want to tell my sister because she won’t understand what I’m going through (3 wonderful pregnancies she had)  I can’t tell my friends just now as half of them are pregnant and LOVING their lives.  I mentioned in passing about not liking it and they stared at me as though I was speaking French to them and then went on to talk about how great their pregnancies are going and how I’ll get there and love it one day too.  What if I don’t?

The sun attacked me

30 Jul

Yesterday was on of the worst I’ve had in my 3 weeks off of work for my “morning” sickness.  The sad thing is I was having a great week before that.  I was doing so great I seriously thought I’d kicked my little problem.  I was doing so great I was kinda feeling guilty for taking off work.  And then Thursday came…

I woke up at around 4:30 am and just couldn’t seem to get back to sleep.  Then around 6am the sun decided to attack my eyeballs.  I became so overwhelmed with how bright it is that I started to freak out.  I got up and started shoving my curtains around the blackout blind we have so as to stop and sun from coming through any cracks.  The worst part is I have an eye-mask I use to sleep with if I feel it’s too bright in the morning or if I’m taking a nap.  But the sun was wrapping itself around my eye-mask and attacking me there as well.

I finally couldn’t take it any longer and just got up.  By around 8am I felt so sick I thought I was going to throw up any minute.  Well instead of throwing up the other side of my body (the more southern end) decided it would pick up the slack.  I seriously felt like I all of a sudden had the stomach flu or something.  I was so nauseous and so dizzy the whole day.  I didn’t want to eat anything but tried to put some saltines down me at least.  Just blah blah blah

I feel better today though.  Which is good for everyone, especially Mr.notsoChubby.  Poor man has to put up with me when I’m like this.  I’m still weak and nauseous today but with a much better appetite 🙂

My poor broken down Wii

26 Jul

Our Wii broke!!!!!!!  Which is the absolute worst thing that could happen right now seeing as I’m having to take another week off because babyhopefullyneverchubby is wreaking havoc on my hormones.    I sat up all night the other night with this disgusting taste in my mouth and gas that most likely would have blown up the apartment block if someone close by lit a match.  Poor Mr.notsoChubby was forced to sleep in the guest bedroom for his own good.

So now here I am bored out of my mind for a third week in a row.  These last two have been bearable.  I have rocked it out on the Mario Kart side of things and FINALLY opened up the mirror tracks.  (Mirror Mode is when you play all the original tracks only they’re flipped on their axis)  But now… *sniff*  it looks like I’ll never be able to finish that level. *sob*   I don’t know how much more I can take watching re-runs of Sex and the City and Friends.

Health MOT score

25 Jul

So I went to the gym to finally get my “MOT”.  In the UK an MOT stands for a test your car goes through to make sure it’s road worthy.  So in other words it’s a test to see how health worthy my body is.  So let’s just dive right in shall we?

  • Height: 116cm / 5ft 3in
  • Weight: 102kg / 224lbs
  • BMI: 39.4 = very obese
  • Waist to Hip ratio: 0.96 = very high risk
  • Blood Pressure: 122/78 = normal level
  • Aerobic Fitness: 32 = fair
  • Resting Heart Rate: 71bpm = normal level
  • Cholesterol: 4.7 mmol/L = good level
  • Blood Glucose: 4.5 mmol/L (or 81) = good level
  • Health MOT Score: 62 =  top 80% – the lower the better

The Good

When my blood pressure was taken he was very surprised at how good it was.  Always a good thing.  My resting heart rate was at a good level but I remember once it being at 68, though I’m told pregnancy will increase that.  My cholesterol is at a good level as well but there is definite room for improvement.   They told me anything below 5.0 is good but as you can see 4.7 is close to that 5.0.

The Bad

I think it’s safe to say my BMI is obviously off the charts.  So really there was no surprises there.  I’m just happy it’s not over 40.  My waist to hip ratio is obviously effected because I’m pregnant.  I’m sad my actual score isn’t any better but it could be worse, I could be in the top 90% but my goal is to be somewhere closer to the top 10%.

The Surprising

I was surprised my fitness level was fair as was the guy giving me the test, haha.  Apparently with a girl who has as high a BMI as mine it isn’t normal to have a decent fitness level. woo! 🙂  I was also surprised my glucose level was normal seeing as I have PCOS.  I’d be interested to know though if that is because I’m pregnant or not.

The Versatile Blogger Award

21 Jul

I was given my first ever blogging award the other day!!  Thank you so much Ginger for even thinking of me for the award 🙂

Here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award.

2. Share seven things about yourself.

3. Nominate seven newly discovered blogs.

4. Let your nominees know about the award

.

7 New things about Me!

  1. I currently live in Scotland near Glasgow
  2. I grew up in Columbus, OH so I am a Buckeye for life… O-H!
  3. I am addicted to reality TV
  4. I am a Harry Potter fanatic.  I actually have best friends I met once on a Harry Potter message board. *blush*
  5. I was engaged to Mr.notsoChubby after only 4 months
  6. I have a fear of falling down stairs.  You don’t want to be behind me on a set of stairs it will take us hours to get down them.
  7. I waited till marriage to have sex. SCORE! 🙂

My Nominees!

1. Jen – Epbot

  • Jen doesn’t actually need this award and by all means she’s no novice in the blog world.  She is the creator of cakewrecks.com which in my opinion is the greatest blog of all time.  This award isn’t going there obviously though, seeing as it’s been around for years.  Instead Jen has decided to branch off on her own and start delving more into her own personal life.  I have to tell you it’s just as interesting and funny as the cakes themselves.  She has everything from tutorials to random life stories.

2. Amanda – Ass In Seat.

  • I really enjoy reading Amanda’s blog and everything that comes with it.  She lives in a country that she didn’t grow up in, much like myself.  Though she also has 4 kids, NOTHING like me! haha.  So I love getting to know her through her blog and how she’s getting on with her weight-loss.

3. Chicky Chink – Chink Chick

  • Chinky is so incredibly, honestly funny and random I just can’t help but read her blog.   He life is like nothing I have ever personally lived.  She is too thin to the point where she could gain weight (HA!) She is crazy active in sports like sailing (sailing?! I didn’t even know people still did that.)  So I love to live vicariously through her blog.