Is it ok to say “I don’t like being pregnant”?

31 Jul

I am about to admit something so taboo that some of you may run from here screaming… I hate being pregnant.  Is that ok to say?  Is it normal to say?  Should I feel guilty for saying this?  Does that make me a bad future-mother?  All these thoughts, amongst others, going rushing through my brain on a daily basis.

All my life I’ve wanted to be pregnant, well not completely true, all my life I wanted to be a mother.  It’s not like this is an unplanned pregnancy we’ve been trying since January.   I never actually thought it would happen.  I just assumed with my PCOS it would take many years, prayers and drugs to get me pregnant.  But here I am!  Belly starting to pop out and everything.  So why am I not happier?

Perhaps the constant feeling of nauseousness for the last 4 weeks or the new-found ease of catching colds so bad that it hurts to swallow and talk.  Maybe it’s the sleepless nights, the heartburn (which I’m told will only get worse, swell!) or the acne that’s as bad a 16 year olds.  Or is it the random leg cramps or excruciating headaches that render me immobile.  Perhaps the feeling of uselessness as I lay sprawled out on the couch while I watch Mr.notsoChubby busy himself about the house fixing and doing the things I can’t.  Even as I type this he’s off to the shops to pick me up some tissues, throat drops (pregnancy approved! It’s not like I can have the NORMAL stuff now that I’m pregnant… nope) and other things to try to make me remotely happy.  Oh and speaking of happy lets not forget the most random moments of the day when I lash out at Mr.nsC and then start crying uncontrollably because of it.

There are women out there (many whom I know) that would wish upon a wish that they could get pregnant.  That would take what I have plus more if it meant they could have their very own little one.  And yet here I am contemplating only have one child because I don’t think I could honestly go through this again.  This coming from the girl who always wanted to have 6 children.

So that’s my confession for the day.  I find I can’t say this out loud to anyone in the real world.  I don’t want to say it to Mr.nsC because he might think I’m a horrible person.  I don’t want to tell my sister because she won’t understand what I’m going through (3 wonderful pregnancies she had)  I can’t tell my friends just now as half of them are pregnant and LOVING their lives.  I mentioned in passing about not liking it and they stared at me as though I was speaking French to them and then went on to talk about how great their pregnancies are going and how I’ll get there and love it one day too.  What if I don’t?


2 Responses to “Is it ok to say “I don’t like being pregnant”?”

  1. Ginger July 31, 2010 at 2:42 pm #

    SO sorry to hear of your not so happiness in pregnancy. IT does get better!! Speaking from someone who had four. Every body is different and people cant expect you to have the same experiences. WHen hubby and I first started talking kids we started at 8 and then with each kid the number went down. lol

  2. Amanda July 31, 2010 at 2:12 pm #

    Oh, honey. I hated being pregnant. Every time. I just hated it. The only part I liked was feeling the baby move…and even that got old toward the end when I started to fear that they would actually succeed in punching through my skin. LOL!

    You are right, though. Most people will act like you just said, “I want to skin a baby and eat it.” when you admit to not loving being pregnant. You aren’t alone though. And I will point out that I purposely got pregnant three more times…so you know that the end result more than makes up for it all.

    Just a few words of encouragement: It does get better. The first trimester is tough on nearly everyone. It is possible that you will thoroughly enjoy the pregnancy after that rough patch is over. If you are like me and still don’t really love it though, don’t fear. It has absolutely no bearing on what kind of mother you will be. I love my children more than life itself and you will feel the same about yours. 🙂 Just focus on the end result (a gorgeous little baby!) and you will be just fine.

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