Pregnancy body image

21 Oct

I weighed in at 242 this morning.  That was after sleeping in until 11am and having a nice good poo (You know that helps right? hahaha).   242 puts me at only 5 lbs away from the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.  When I was about 21 and really getting into the Biggest Loser I weighed myself one day to see how heavy I was.  I oddly always had an ok body image that large, thinking I could ask out any ‘ol guy who came my way because, heck, I was cute.  Turns out I was only fat hahaha.  Looking back it make loads of sense why those guys all said no.  I was a WHALE!  I decided then to kick my butt into gear and as a result lost 50lbs.  For the first time in maybe 5 years then I was below 200lbs and it felt good.

3 years later I was below 200lbs again for my wedding and then somewhere in between I lost the plot.  Gaining up to 224 pre-pregnancy weight.  I had all these intentions to only get pregnant when I was well under 200lbs so I would never see my dreaded started weight every again. *247* The number still gives me chills.  And to think I’m about a tub of ice-cream away from that scares me, makes me sad, angers me, makes me loathe myself.  Non of those feelings which by the way are what your average pregnant woman feels.  That of elation, joy, overwhelming pride of being a soon to be mother.

I have the ugliest pregnant belly around.  It’s big and it’s out there and there’s hardly any mistaking it’s pregnant but that’s only if I put on layers of clothing over it.  Letting it hang free under my maternity tops I have these disgusting lumps.  It’s like when your fat and you can’t see your belly button because your stomach is hiding it in that creased section. You know what I mean yea?  Well that crease is less pronounced now obviously, but it’s still there.  My belly button is not the first thing you see on my tummy, it’s still just my rolls of fat.   And with 247 looming over my head it’s not going to get any better.

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