Archive | May, 2011

I’m huge!

5 May

I’m having a low day.  A low week even.  After weighing myself this morning I am 260lbs.  I was always ok with topping out at 259 after giving birth because it meant I never reached the 260 mark.  260 is big, in fact 260 is huge.  260 is what they put on shows like the biggest loser and then shake their heads in disbelief as to how they got that big.  I used to watch shows like that and think “There’s no way in HELL I would ever get that big.  How on earth did they do that to themselves?”  And yet here I am.  On top of the 260 my BMI has reached a staggering 46.1.  I went into pregnancy just under a 40 BMI which was great as it meant they weren’t too concerned about my weight interfering.  But if they looked at me now they would be saying a whole lot of other things.

I’ve never been this heavy in all my life.  Even when I was at my heaviest and felt like a complete cow I was only 247.   For the last 5 years I’ve always hovered around the 200 mark.  Making it to just about 193 before topping out at 220 but never really going much higher.  200 lbs seemed to be my brick wall though.  Every time I made it under I was ecstatic and vowed never to go above it again.  Yet here I am.  Here I am with a goal for the last 4 weeks to simply just be below 250!  And I couldn’t even do that!

I think I just assumed it wouldn’t be that hard.  That my body doesn’t want to be over 250 so as long as I am sensible with my eating it’ll just fall off.  Apparently my body has other plans.  I went for 9 long months not worry about a single thing that went into my mouth.  My biggest concern for the first 24 weeks was not throwing it back up so anytime I could keep anything down I ate it.  And ate it, and ate it, and ate it.   Bad habits are hard to break they say…