Forceps

Have you ever seen a pair of forceps??!?!?!  They look like the least baby friendly things I’ve ever seen.   Bring on the hypnobirthing!

Pregnancy body image

I weighed in at 242 this morning.  That was after sleeping in until 11am and having a nice good poo (You know that helps right? hahaha).   242 puts me at only 5 lbs away from the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life.  When I was about 21 and really getting into the Biggest Loser I weighed myself one day to see how heavy I was.  I oddly always had an ok body image that large, thinking I could ask out any ‘ol guy who came my way because, heck, I was cute.  Turns out I was only fat hahaha.  Looking back it make loads of sense why those guys all said no.  I was a WHALE!  I decided then to kick my butt into gear and as a result lost 50lbs.  For the first time in maybe 5 years then I was below 200lbs and it felt good.

3 years later I was below 200lbs again for my wedding and then somewhere in between I lost the plot.  Gaining up to 224 pre-pregnancy weight.  I had all these intentions to only get pregnant when I was well under 200lbs so I would never see my dreaded started weight every again. *247* The number still gives me chills.  And to think I’m about a tub of ice-cream away from that scares me, makes me sad, angers me, makes me loathe myself.  Non of those feelings which by the way are what your average pregnant woman feels.  That of elation, joy, overwhelming pride of being a soon to be mother.

I have the ugliest pregnant belly around.  It’s big and it’s out there and there’s hardly any mistaking it’s pregnant but that’s only if I put on layers of clothing over it.  Letting it hang free under my maternity tops I have these disgusting lumps.  It’s like when your fat and you can’t see your belly button because your stomach is hiding it in that creased section. You know what I mean yea?  Well that crease is less pronounced now obviously, but it’s still there.  My belly button is not the first thing you see on my tummy, it’s still just my rolls of fat.   And with 247 looming over my head it’s not going to get any better.

Stay-cations!

I am on holiday this week!  Finally I am off work for a legit reason that is not sickness.  Finally I am not working but not feeling like throwing up and any second.  It’s hard to get used to, to tell the truth.   I’m not anywhere tropical or warm but I did know that I needed to get out of the house so instead I have made my way 4 hours north to visit my mother in law.  Her house sits on the sea over looking the north side so she gets the rocky bits.  But where Fraserburgh is located there’s also like an East side that is all sandy.  She’s only a 5 min drive to there or a 20 min walk if you’re into wanting to walk there.

To be honest I need the break.  I am having a family issue that has caused me so much pain and distress in the last week it’s becoming harder to sleep at night.  I still can’t figure out a way to talk about it.  I may blog about it one day as a release but I don’t seem to be able to really talk about it right now.

So for now I’m going to sit by this overly large window, look out to the sea, and relax.  🙂